MLE

 

Matt Stonie Claims Inaugural White White World Cheeseburg Championship!
9/19/2016

Forty-one White Hut Cheeseburgs later, the first-ever White Hut World Cheeseburg Eating Championship At The Big E title belonged to Matt Stonie. In doing so, the #2-ranked eater in the world set a World Record in the discipline. There will be no other inaugural event, no other debut Champion. It is Stonie and the title is his alone. He should savor it.

The White Hut Cheeseburg is native to West Springfield, MA. It is a New England institution. Stonie—he of San Jose, CA—spends time in this great nation's northeast with his loving grandparents, who call New Hampshire home. (Today, Stonie embraced that great state's motto of Live Free Or Die by not so much waging war against tyranny or fighting colonial injustice, but by eating a lot and doing so very quickly. Still, commitment is commitment.)

On these trips to New England, Stonie has enjoyed the White Hut's Cheeseburgs in a civilian setting his entire life. This was a home field event on the other side of the country. Perhaps our personal connections—family, lovers, friends—create our own personal geography. Our path through the physical world traces the path of these connections. Have grandparents in New England? You're going to know about White Hut Cheeseburgs. Fall in love with a guy from Valencia? You're going to learn to make paella. Think about where your personal connections have taken you and those you love. The result is infinite vectors of human motion with infinite points of human intersection. No two maps of the human heart are identical. We are pushed and pulled around this globe, every ricochet a sadness or a happiness. Think about it. Kinda interesting, right? A little? And then say thanks to MLE for the insight. In the hands of a novelist, getting to that mildly curious dollop would take, what, 600 pages of train rides, wilted fields and so many unrequited glances.

Okay, where were we? Stonie did not have this all his way by any means. Second-place finisher Carmen Cincotti (38 at conclusion) and the top-ranked eater in New England Geoffrey Esper (35.5 at conclusion) pushed Stonie throughout the event. Onlookers remarked that it was Cheeseburg to Cheeseburg among the three into the final two minutes; Stonie would only push out in front of Cincotti in the final 60 seconds. A close one. But one won.

All hail Stonie. Full results below.

FULL RESULTS!
1st - 41 cheeseburgs in 10 - Matt Stonie
2nd - 38 - Carmen Cincotti
3rd - 35.5 - Geoffrey Esper
4th - TIE - 21 - Badlands Booker & Dud Lite
6th - 14 - Wild Guillermo Myers
7th - 12.5 - Crazy Legs Conti
8th - 11 - James Burgess
9th - 10 - Jon Taylor
10th - 7 - Steven Wojcik